Reflections

For years I have been thinking.
I have always thought a lot. Probably too much since the beginning. And I do not know if I’m really thinking or deluding myself. Still, I am trying to study my development and reflection through my quest to get out of depression and find out who I am.
The snow finally started to fall on Chamonix and the Mont-Blanc valley. Since about two weeks we are surrounded by white. The ski resorts around opened a few days ago and tourists carrying ski/snowboard gear are more and more present in the streets of the village.
I've been a bit quiet this month of November, first of all because I'm re-doing my website with an all new beautiful design but also because despite all my efforts, I'm still feeling a bit down, sad and depressed.
Gonna be honest, this end of October and beginning of November months, were not the best. Big hours, lots of disappointments at work, stupid troubles with staff people, 10 days straight of bad weather... and as usual a feeling of depression, failure and losing myself.
This week was busy with a huge groupe of about 300 pax coming for 5 days in the hotel. A big group called ICAR : International Commission for Alpine Rescue. A lot of people specialized in mountain rescue. Tall, muscular and big eaters.
I got my first 2 days-off. So I went for an overnight hike on one of the most popular hike around the Mont-Blanc : The Lac Blanc. But I made my own one day and a half trail and I decided to camp next to the lake. And it was absolutely stunning!
After 15 months in Australia, I decided to come back to Europe. I was getting tired and angry and lots of things happened in the past 2 months. So I decided to come back to Europe for a few months. I found a job in Chamonix, right in front of the Mont-Blanc, the highest mountain in Europe!
These past days, my head is boiling. Since a few months, I have the impression of overdosing. It's too much. Too many ideas, too many expectations, too many worries, too many changes that I want to accomplish. I'm a little exhausted.
Five days on the road and the least we can say is that I do not really enjoy it. Yet I think I was ready to do THE road trip that most backpackers do: drive away for a week, a month, to discover the country.
Today is Wednesday, September 20th. I have been working at Arkaroola Wilderness Sanctuary for over two months. And despite the beauty of the place, the interesting work, the relatively calm rhythm and the security (accommodation, meals and wifi provided and a good pay), I do not feel very good. Or rather I do not feel good anymore.