Gonna be honest, this end of October and beginning of November months, were not the best. Big hours, lots of disappointments at work, stupid troubles with staff people, 10 days straight of bad weather… and as usual a feeling of depression, failure and losing myself.
My orchid has lost all its flowers. It felt like an image of myself.
Why am I letting people get through my skin? Why am I giving power to the empty words of others? Why am I letting all of that hurt me?
The more I am confronted to theses meaningless situations, the more I realise that the only truth in life is the connection with nature, silence, simplicity and awareness. The rest is just noise and chains of society. Maybe one has to suffer enough to realise that.
I am trying to change. I am trying to change since 3 years. Damn it’s hard. I know I am changing. But the process is so slow. I’m still sleeping. I’m still a somnambule working, acting, thinking like society taught me. Dependency. Envy. Consumption. Excess. Jalousy. Stress. Stupidity. But the lie is fraying. I’m undoing the canvas. I am opening my eyes to awareness. Gonna take time but it’s here, I know it.
So we got real bad weather. Like torrential rain. But also snow !!! First snow of the season. The mountains were covered in white and beautiful. When we could see them through the clouds.
I haven’t been hiking in 10 days. Nor went to sport. I feel like a caged lion. My body is screaming for a breath of truthness. At least one thing is improving : the weather is getting better. So I planned 3 hikes for next week. Can’t wait!