The snow finally started to fall on Chamonix and the Mont-Blanc valley. Since about two weeks we are surrounded by white. The ski resorts around opened a few days ago and tourists carrying ski/snowboard gear are more and more present in the streets of the village.
I’ve been skiing also. First ski of the season. About a week ago. In Courmayeur, Italy. I went with friends from work and we crossed the Mont-Blanc Tunnel (separating France from Italy) on a beautiful clear cold day. In just twenty minutes we were in an other country. Courmayeur opened a week before the French resorts because there was more snow on the Italian side of the Mont-Blanc. But the ski pistes were still quiet. It was a gorgeous peaceful day with beautiful views and fun on the pistes, which ended with an Italian pizza. I’m looking forward to the next ski trip!
Christmas is in less than a week. I can’t really believe that. Already. It makes me realise that despite the slight depression, the tiredness and the difficulties at work, time passed really quickly. I am feeling a bit better now than a few weeks ago. Maybe it’s my yoga / meditation / work on wellbeing that is starting to show results. I also realise that after 2 months and a half here, deep inside, I am happy and I don’t want to leave or quit my job. With lots of the jobs I did before, after 2 months, the only thing I wanted was to leave. But not with this one. With this one I decided that I was going to conquer all the problems and come out stronger. The Alpina is not gonna bring me down. I’m gonna defeat it!
Am I starting to see the world differently ? Am I starting to let go of painful heavy feeling and focus on wellbeing and reality? Am I starting to progress on the path of consciousness? I see the path in front of me and it’s becoming more and more clear.
Well I’m still making mistakes. I’m still eating my fingernails all the time. I’m still too stressed. I often lose confidence in myself. I still procrastinate or give up to the dark feelings way too often. Or I still sometimes give up to the difficult feeling of loneliness (like a few days ago, when I decided to go to a birthday party in a nightclub for one of the staff member and I ended up even more lonely and confused. Never again Claire. Learn from your mistakes, damnit!).
I am tired of always feeling down, depressed then feeling happy, ready to conquer the world and then being hit by dark thinking again, before feeling a rush of happiness gain. It never stops! So I’m gonna follow the path. The path to real wellbeing. The path that will teach me to become a rock of calm, peace, consciousness whatever the difficulties of life.